The last birthday party resulted in HJ and I in the OBGYN of the hospital. Why, you ask? No, no, no. It was NOT the alcohol. Instead, it was “da jiu” (Uncle).

Don’t understand?

Think about our friends at the NRA - guns don’t kill people. People kill people. Now, apply that same logic to our situation. Alcohol doesn’t get us twisted. People get us twisted.

And so, last week, when meeting with Mr. Feng, we hatched a plot of our own to do the Uncle in at Serene’s birthday party. We would ration our drinking power and focus on toasting the Uncle, get him really fucked to the point that he’d have to surrender to the ladies room as HJ and I had a few weeks back.

When I arrived (30 minutes late), I received the intelligence briefing - First, the bathrooms were cozy, perfect for kneeling down and letting go of all that brew. Second, we had plenty of ammunition, or “bullets” as HJ called them, pointing to cases of beer on the floor. Third, Uncle had already attended a wedding earlier in the day and was already doused in baijiu, pijiu, and other kinds of 酒. Fab, an ally in our war against a “sophisticated drinker”, had also attended a wedding earlier in the day and couldn’t operate at full capacity. No worries, though, cus’ HJ, Mr. Feng (and even his wife joined in) and I were really focused. I mean, hey, there’s nothing that makes you lose face faster than puking in the women’s can. Only thing was, the glasses were huge, so we might inflict some pain on ourselves in the process. I mean, they were big, wine glasses. And when we drink, it’s no sippin’; it’s full tilt. It’s “shuai le”.

Anyway, we got to work straight away. And then, any chance we had, toasted the Uncle. I learned some Chengdu hua - toast. I congratulated him on his soon to be second child - toast. We’re all “pa er duo” - toast. Let’s drink like a married couple, hugging, arms locked - toast. Cutting the cake? I’ll drink to that - toast!

In the end, we won. He surrendered, or so HJ said. I can’t remember

What I do remember is that the night ended as does any good night in Chengdu - with shao kao