Each morning I watch television to improve my Chinese listening ability. Usually it’s this American-styled (laugh track included), easily consumable sitcom about a middle class, middle-aged married couple with kids, irony-filled problems, etc. But sometimes I mix it up and take a shot at the news or, if I’m really feeling adventurous (in case your wondering, I usually am), an infomercial.
Yeah, I enjoy the one with the women in full body girdles doing cartwheels, if not for the cleavage, then at least for the reminder that I might one day be married to a girdle getter. And the Japan import of the “saddle” exercise machine, though not as えろい, is equally amusing, entertaining. But that which steals my heart is, of course, the one that sells a remedy to balding men. Man or woman, receding or full blown, you’ll be captivated from the very beginning. I have a full head of hair and I want to buy this stuff. I just can’t turn the channel. Why? Well, because the theme song is just that dope. I genuinely admire the Hair Club for Men’s “I’m not only a client, I’m the president” line - a classic testimonial if I’ve ever heard one - but I’m just not sure it can compete.
It begins like this (huge Chinese characters across the screen and a chorus of moderately high voices singing them):
你的头发还好吗？
The translation: Is your hair still good?
I’m utterly helpless against that jingle. It’s like Folger’s - the best part of waking up. It gets me going in the morning. I walk into the office. BAM!! I don’t say good morning (早), I say (you guessed it), ” 你的头发还好吗？”
Your wondering (as am I), where is he going with this? Ah, which brings us to present tense - 11:32PM, Tuesday night. What did you say? 我的头发还好吗？ Is my hair still good? Good question. Let me think….the most appropriate response would be…还可以，还好. Yeah, I’m still okay. But…there’s a problem.
In case you missed (read: skipped) the lecture on Modern Portfolio Theory in your intro to Finance class, let me give you a brief review of the Risk-Reward tradeoff principle, as it applies to my hair.
Investopedia says it best: …potential return rises with an increase in risk. Low levels of uncertainty (low risk) are associated with low potential returns, whereas high levels of uncertainty (high risk) are associated with high potential returns. Because of the risk-return tradeoff, you must be aware of your personal risk tolerance when choosing investments for your portfolio. The goal instead is to find an appropriate balance - one that generates some profit, but still allows you to sleep at night.
This is great stuff and it can be applied not only to your monetary investment decisions, but also to other decisions in your life. And the good news is, we can manage/mitigate some of the risks involved with a particular decision. On with my example: cutting my own hair versus going to a stylist (cut versus buy). Let’s start by surveying my personal level of risk tolerance when it comes to my hair.
I’m a no frills kinda guy. Worst comes to worst, I’ll shave it all off (if the battery isn’t dead). So, you might say, I exhibit risk-seeking behavior when it comes to my hair. Evidence shows that I’ve went to stylists before and allowed them to do as they see fit. I’ve even went to stylists who I couldn’t speak a word to.
Now let’s examine some of the risks (along with ways to manage them) and rewards involved in the cut versus buy decision:
Rewards
Save time
Save money
Control of the final product (I really used to cry when I was a small lad and me mum would let those old guys go to town on my hair…though I did get a lollipop after every butchering)
No hideous dance music blaring in the background
Avoiding obligatory small talk (this goes both ways. Do you really think he cares about you? You’re just another notch under his stylish cutting accessory belt).
Risks
Guard falls off and nicks my head (fasten the guard tightly. If nick occurs, shave off completely)
The battery dies (use a fully charged pair of clippers before beginning. Make sure you have spare batteries and/or are using a rechargeable battery)
The battery cannot be recharged because your in China and your charger doesn’t fit the outlets…and you don’t have an adapter (plug into an outlet and see if the green “charging” light comes on. If it doesn’t, or only does so vaguely, you might want to reconsider starting)
And this is where I miscalculated. The light was barely visible when I plugged in. Wanting to save time, I ignored the option to re-charge and opted to go ahead and cut my hair then and there…which is why I am here, now, writing this entry, with half of my hair cut, while my battery is recharging…I think. See, I’m not sure if the light is supposed to appear when it is fully charged or immediately after being plugged in. I recharged for an hour and only got 15 seconds trim time. I’m a little concerned. Still, however, I did hedge when the blade speed started to slow. I cut the front and sides - statistically the most viewed by others - so my profiles are in tact. Just feeling for whoever is standing behind me on the elevator tomorrow morning.
(iChat/AIM)