Really smart people can draw analogies.

We all know my aversion to being called “laowai”.

Here is an analogy that will help me resist the temptation to leap down the throats of those who call me “laowai” in the new year.

“Getting angry at people who call you “laowai” is like coming too quick. It’s premature ejaculation of the mouth (that’s an ugly visual). Maybe I should say of the emotions. If you’ve been in China for a while, you should know that Chinese are fairly intense people. And they don’t have the chance to touch many foreigners, so when they do, they want to give you a good feeling up. Do you come when a girl feels you up? You’re mistaking a feel up for a fuck. Be patient. You’ll know when the Chinese are trying to fuck you. Even then, be patient, it might be the best of your life.”