Gotta check out my close friend and former roommate getting busy on the canvas.

Kadar Brock’s second solo exhibition at BUIA gallery in Chelsea opens Thursday, May 1. Details below.

HEAVEN IS A PLACE ON EARTH
Kadar Brock
www.kadarbrock.com
May 1st – May 31st, 2008
Opening reception: Thursday, May 1st, 6-8 pm

BUIA GALLERY
541 W 23rd St
NY NY 10011
www.buiagallery.com

If he can’t remix?

Yesterday, a few people started popping up on MSN with {heart}China{heart} as their MSN name. Today, even more had. I was afraid to ask, but I didn’t have to. Out of no where, XW sent me this link.

Here is a translation:

-Please copy this section to your MSN name: (L)China (L)
-Please put your name to the left
-Please use this case combination: China
-We recommend you use # 2 heart
-We also hope that you can mark your website, blog, or personal home page
-Let’s see an ocean of red!

Did the Ambassador change his MSN name? Damn right I did. I’m officially:

(L)China’s girls(L)

“The greatest insult an outsider could pay to the Chinese people would be failing to understand what lies beneath.” You can start by reading Howard French’s latest piece, where he compares China to a prototype at a car show and urges you to kick the tires.

He even gives you some ammo to use against your friends with “Free Tibet” stickers plastered all over their trapper keeper: “The onrush of Western sympathy for the cause of Tibet is well-intentioned but often naïve… Tibetans have become lovable because of popular notions about Buddhism and because of the way Hollywood has romanticized Tibet and its saffron-robed monks and supported the Dalai Lama.”

If someone asked you to name the defining moments in your sex life, what would your response be? The first time? Getting caught? With a foreigner? Much older/younger than you? All plausible responses. But if you were me, there would be only one, and it happened before I even came close to a female.

That Mayo Clinic health book my Mom had with a section (photos included) on STDs. That was the first time I saw a V. And man, was that thing scary. I’m not even going to attempt to describe what I saw, but it left me thinking one thing - nothing good can come from playing with that. And I saw some Ds. Ds in serious need of medical attention. I put the two together, figuratively speaking, and decided that all that abstinence talk from my Mom and the church might not be such a bad idea after all. Since then, I’ve come a long way, but the affects still haven’t completely worn off.

I was in Shanghai last weekend. A few highlights.

Shanghai is an international city in the sense that there are lots of people from all over the world traveling, working, and studying there, but it still doesn’t meet the likes of NYC, San Francisco, etc., where the influence of foreigners is pervasive. This is probably do to the fact that most people are just passing through - on a project or rotation for their company, studying Chinese, etc. - so they don’t have the time to put down roots in way that immigrants do. I’m not considering, of course, the overall impact of foreign enterprises, which is significant. The results are local businesses, plenty of them, that cater to a revolving door of foreigners. The energy in these small “international” pockets is really exciting and much different from that in NYC. At moments it felt more intense, albeit temporary.

If you happen to visit, I highly recommend taking the Maglev train from Pudong Intl. Airport into the city. It costs 50RMB ($7) and gets you into the city in just 7 minutes. Top speed is 301km/h. An amazing journey. The alternative is a taxi, which takes, without traffic, 8 times longer and is 3 times more expensive.

Foreign girls. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t seen any in so long, but I was really surprised by the amount of beautiful foreigners I saw in just a couple of days. Even some models. Chengdu girls are pretty, but the legs are short. When I see those long legs, it’s game over.

After such a serious post, I gotta follow with a light chaser.

My favorite quote from Chairman Mao is “No investigation, no right to speak”. That’s why I came here. And one of the reasons I love living in China is the stories that come from “investigating”. Everyday a new story. Something crazy I couldn’t experience back home. Living here, one can easily accumulate 10 years of stories in a fraction of the time. When you relay to your friends, you might even break some stereotypes…or maybe just perpetuate them, but it’s good fun nonetheless.

I’m reminded of this because a friend told me that in his home country, there’s an urban legend, that the P of Chinese girls is horizontal. So, say what you will about Chairman Mao, but he was right about this one - no investigation, no right to speak.

There is an old Chinese saying: 不怕天不怕地只怕广东人说中国话

Translation: Fear neither the heavens nor the earth. Fear only Guangdong people who speak Chinese.

That probably isn’t funny to most of you reading this. I won’t elaborate.

Yesterday, Kevin Rudd, Australia’s fluent Chinese speaking Prime Minister, visited China and delivered a speech, entirely in Mandarin, at Beijing University. He altered the saying a little to: 不怕天不怕地只怕老外说中国话

Fear neither the heavens nor the earth. Fear only a foreigner who speaks Chinese.

He drew a few laughs. Except from me. He used the derogatory term for foreigner.

PM Rudd, a slight built man with a baby face, in speaking Chinese, was trying to say what? As a former diplomat, it’s no surprise that he can speak Chinese, but after seeing the spectacle the Chinese media made of his ability, it made me question whether it is a good idea for the head of a powerful State to speak at length in a language other than his own when delivering public remarks. Private discussions and banter with your foreign counterpart are one thing, but public speaking is another, especially in China. It reminded me of Garry Kasparov, the Russian chess master who tried to oppose President Putin. During his candidacy, he spoke to western media, in English. Putin’s people ran the clips and made him appear as a pawn of the west. Rudd isn’t exactly in danger of appearing as a pawn to the Australian people, but any foreigner, especially a former diplomat, should know how easy (read: natural) it is for Chinese to turn even a nice gesture like speaking Chinese into fuel for the propaganda machine. Something like: “the power of China and Chinese language”. That he would give them the material/satisfaction is beyond me.

While his trip was supposed to be used to talk “direct and straightforward” about Tibet, he only brought up the issue briefly in his address. Instead, he delivered a marshmallow of a speech - light, soft, and sweet. You may say that he was addressing his audience - the elite at Beijing University. But it doesn’t take a psychic or a telescope to see just how far his words were going - across China and into the homes of hundreds of millions of people. You know which parts reached the evening news, played over and over again.

Many of the world’s Presidents and Prime Ministers can speak multiple languages, including English, but only deliver official remarks in their native tongue. Partly because they are more comfortable and control that way, and partly because they don’t want to bow, in public at least, to the fact that English is the world’s language. I wonder about Rudd’s motivations. Was it that, as former diplomat, he was used to and expected to do so, or was it just a gesture? Is he a Sinophile? His background is interesting. Or maybe it’s just business? China is now Australia is largest trading partner. Last year, when he was yet to be elected Prime Minister, he spoke Mandarin during a visit with Chinese President Hu Jintao. That same day, China agreed to buy up to $45 billion of liquefied natural gas from an Australian company over the next 20 years.

There is no doubt that speaking Chinese is a lubricant for relationships, but too much and you can find yourself walking a slippery slope. Someone should tell Prime Minister Rudd that for foreigners in China, less is enough. No matter how good your Chinese or chopticks, it does not, as it may in other places, change the fundamental view Chinese people have of you or your country. As a foreigner, there is little, almost nothing you can do to change the deeply ingrained view that you are, above all, a foreigner (well, this is true), an enemy of the State, and a resource. The sooner you can accept these facts, the more comfortable you can be here. And ironically, the more successful./

But when it’s all said and done, I’d have to agree with the Prime Minister - fear not the heavens or the earth. Fear only a foreigner who speaks Chinese.

P.S. His tones are really good. I’m kinda jealous.

I can count on both hands the people in China whom I couldn’t live without. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank five of them. These guys have, seriously, gotten me through countless karaoke sessions during my time here. And maybe even laid a few times. Thanks, fellas.