He’s an American expat, she’s ambitious.

Things were hot and heavy when she stopped and asked, “before this goes any further, I need to know what type of relationship this is going to be?”
“A ‘harmonious‘ one”, he replied in Chinese.
“Are you ready to be a ‘responsible stakeholder?’”, she responded in English.
Click the links if you don’t get it.

Our company is moving offices in a few weeks and our apartment lease is up at the end of the month, so we’re apartment hunting. I’ve lived in three, progressively better places since I first arrived here, but I’ve never been a part of the search process. I started in the Chinese projects (i.e. government owned and assigned) for about a month and a half, which looks and feels like a prison. Then I went to another set of projects, for about 5 months, this one a little bit better, and finally into a residential complex, which is okay. Now I’m gonna splurge….or at least I thought so.

Today we went to look at a place. It was in the projects. Two bedrooms. The guy starts to say we can fit three people in. I’m not sure why he is saying this, because we (two people) said that we are only looking for a place to house two people. Maybe he wants to charge each person less, but altogether more? But it is clearly, clearly a two bedroom apartment. But he wants someone to sleep in the area designed for the dining table. But it’s not enclosed or anything. There’s absolutely no privacy. So my flatmate is trying to say, without sounding too direct, that for younger folks (this guy was probably 40), privacy is a consideration in the decision making process. I just step in and say, with a smile on my face and a slap to his back: “It’s not convenient for nailing chicks”. That’s the rough translation. My flatmate cringed and said, “He’s joking”. The landlord replied, “oh, no, don’t worry, it would be me sleeping there”. He said he wouldn’t be sleeping there everyday, though. But he is married, so I’m not sure why he would need to sleep there? But I did see woman’s shoes and products there. Were we gonna get 2 for 1?

Worst of all is this…he doesn’t want to pay rent or utilities. He wants to sleep for free. This guy has got to be the worst hustler of all time. I’ve had something crazy landlords, but never one like this dude. And I never will. Pass.

One day I was sitting by myself in Starbucks studying Chinese. My seat and the condiment (?) counter was separated by a four foot high wall, so those standing at the counter could see me and vice versa. Being diligent as I am, I was consumed by my studies, not paying nan attention to the gentleman at the counter, until I heard him comment profoundly, “Chinese”.

“Yeah…Chinese”, I replied, going back to my studies. I’ve learned my lesson. No more talking to strangers. And no more being overly polite.

“Are you a student?”, he inquired. He didn’t get my signal. Our conversation was already longer than I’d desired. And this question, of all he could have asked, is the worst, though natural and quite common given the Chinese book and baby face. The problem is that when I answer, a whole series of questions relating to what I do follows. I had to nip this in the bud, but I couldn’t lie.”No, I work here, but I’m studying Chinese on my own”. Surprisingly, he nodded, extended his had, said it was nice to meet me, and left.

Since then, I’ve noticed this guy at Starbucks….everyday!!! Weekdays and weekends. He is seriously holding court in this place. Now I know business is done in the tea houses in Japan and China, but this dude is taking it to a new level. Now I’m curious what it is he does. He’s young, less than 35, wears the “boss” Buddha beads (I’ll tell you about those one day) on his wrist, Polo with a popped collar, board shorts and flip flops. Starbucks franchise owner?

UPDATE: “Eddie” came over an talked to me just now. Turns out those Buddha beads are the real thing. He is starting a child education center based on Buddhist teaching. They hold meetings here in Starbucks.

UPDATE2: Thought I’d offer a quick explanation of the “Buddha beads” while I had a moment. These beads are basically Buddhist prayer beads - a Buddhist rosary, if you will. But of course, like the kaffiyeh, or the Crucifix, the majority of those rocking them do so for style rather than belief. In China, the BBs are standard issue for all the big bosses.

If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that the Chinese are pure. If there’s one thing we cannot all agree on, it’s what adjective to place after pure.

You may recall, about a year ago, I wrote a short entry about me and HJ buying peaches from two old women on the side of the road in a city about an hour away from Chengdu. The one lady, “so country”, I said, thought that I was from another province, not another country.

Well, it’s peach season again and the DJ was on the buy. Here is his story.

“4 RMB for half a kilo”, she said.

“That’s too expensive”, I (the DJ) said.

“But of course, you’re a foreigner”, she replied matter of factly.

I asked the DJ what he thought about it -

“I know that, but she’s not supposed to tell me that’s why I am being overcharged.”

“Were you mad?”, I asked him.

“Not mad, just astonished.”

“But not mad? Why not?”

“If you get mad, you play the game.”

“What game?”

“The China game.”

Spoken like a true Chinese veteran.

My thoughts -

If you can understand this story, you can basically understand the Chinese psyche. That woman was unquestionably pure in her beliefs and actions. She believed she possessed the right to overcharge him for the peaches and needn’t be discrete about it.

Where does this perceived right stem from? From the fact that he’s a foreigner? In part, but she also would have overcharged a Chinese with an accent from another region. So the perceived right stems from the fact that the party is different? That’s one way of looking at it, but it basically boils down to information asymmetry - she knows the buyer doesn’t know the local price. She overcharges not out of a personal dislike toward the buyer, but merely because she can get away with it.

Can you get with it?

Howard W. French, the only foreigner in China with sense enough to put words to what it is actually like living here, is returning to the US.

I must say that this is a big disappointment for me. I’m not sure I can survive without his writing, especially if I am forced to substitute it with that of some Wong dude who has been writing pieces of late for the Times.

After the earthquake, everyone started wearing t-shirts that say “I {heart} China”. Most are rip offs of the “I {heart} NY” design, but some vary a little, like the one that says, “I {outline of China} ONLY”. I guess it means they only love China? That’s my personal favorite, of course, and the one I was planning to buy before one of my colleagues, not wanting me to be left out of the revolutionary zeal, bought me a different one. I’d like to share it with all of you. Please forgive the fact that Chna is misspelled.

An American expat living in Shanghai has been fired from his job and had his visa revoked for saying that foreigners living in China want the Beijing Olympics to fail. In his daily video blog, Aric Queen, a media producer, rails against the policies, attitudes, and behaviors the Chinese and their government have toward foreigners. On June 5, in one especially emotional post - one which he starts off by saying, “I’m in the absolute worst mood today. I think I’ve called about 5 or 6 people ‘lady bastards’ and it’s only 3pm” - Queen, discussing the recent visa restrictions, is quoted as saying:

“What I am about to say I am dead dead serious about, ok. Nobody wants China to failure in the Olympics more than the foreigners living here do. I’m sure that makes me sound like an asshole, but it’s the truth, and I’ve brought this up with people and everybody seems to agree”.

A few days later, while traveling on business, he was contacted by email and ordered back to Shanghai, where he was fired and forced to the Visa Bureau, where his residence permit was canceled. He was able to obtain a 3 week tourist visa, which he doesn’t believe he’ll be able to extend.

My first question is this - How do you say “lady bastard” in Chinese? None of my friends have taught me that and, frankly, I’m a little upset about it.

Second, Aric didn’t say he himself felt this way, although it is reasonable to infer he does. Even if he does, is there anything wrong with having an opinion? TIC - This is China, so the short answer is yes. For the sake of argument, though, we could say that he was merely expressing the general will of his community. This is what I would argue against. I don’t think most foreigners want the Olympics to fail. My finger may not be on the pulse of the expat community like his because being an expat in Chengdu and being one in Shanghai are two completely different experiences. The number of foreigners here is insignificant compared to those in Shanghai or Beijing. There is basically no expat community here. Most of my fairly limited number of discussions with foreigners about Chinese didn’t come until I joined a language class, after about 6 months of living here. The opinions I found were astonishing - generally speaking, I found that foreigners living in China had a very bad impression of the people - and lacking any depth of understanding of the Chinese psyche. I attribute this to most of the people being fresh off the boat and caught up in very superficial aspects of the people or society. While I could clearly understand their opinions, I didn’t always think they were warranted, if for no other reason than most of them had never spent extensive time with the Chinese. They were drawing conclusions without experimenting. You are entitled to a hypothesis, but you have to follow it up with an experiment and then base your conclusions on the data. That’s only fair. But if you don’t draw on a wide enough sample, it’s not.

I digress. Back to Aric’s comment on the Olympics. In my experience, the Olympics, in fact, are rarely if ever discussed at length among foreigners. Let’s be honest here - no one but the Chinese really care. This is the event that people in other countries protest against coming to their city! The Olympics are passe for the rest of the world. It’s like having a toaster or something. By staking so much of their reputation on a single, two week event, the Chinese are putting all their proverbial eggs in one basket. This in itself shows the Chinese don’t understand the source of the outside world’s opinion about them or, more likely, doesn’t care. China wasn’t awarded the Olympics for us, it was for them. No one wants or expects China to do bad. They are expected to do what every other country does - be a good host. Hey zhong guo, jia you!

It’s hard to imagine that Aric didn’t know what he was saying or even that he didn’t mean it that way. From watching his previous posts, it seems he doesn’t shy away from commentary that could be considered, in China at least, controversial. Moreover, he has been living and working in China for four years and has extensive experience interacting with Chinese. It’s more likely that he underestimated the potential response of his audience or, as one friend suggested, the audience that he didn’t know was watching. That friend of mine said the scary part is not that Aric is not entitled to an opinion, but that their was someone watching and ready to report him because of it. But I think he should have well known this. If he wanted to be more tactful while still getting his point across, he could have used different rhetoric and said something like, “foreigners anxiously anticipate their compatriots seeing a harmonious society first hand”.

Not the most controversial, but definitely the most compelling part of the post comes later when he says, “To be honest with you, the vast majority of people here don’t like their life here. They like the lifestyle here.” Whoa! They don’t like their lives? That’s heavy. It’s strange, but true. But what does it mean? It got me thinking. Well, to be sure, expats in China are a masochistic bunch. It also means that the following is a list of the main reasons expats stay here, IMHO:

-Freshness
Living in another country, any country, is fun and fresh. That feeling of “new new new” is second only to “new new new…”.

-Money
Their currency is likely strong compared to the RMB, making the cost of living cheap. That means increased consumption of food, alcohol, and other lifestyle services. And if they are sent here by a foreign company, life is plush beyond all belief - driver, maid, cook, etc.

-Cool factor
Being able to tell people you lived/worked in Beijing or Shanghai is kinda cool after returning home. Even my friends in NYC seemed a little impressed that I’m living in “that place with the earthquake”.

-Women
For men, China is a paradise. A vigorous American college student once remarked, “We may be the fast food nation, but China is the fast @$$ nation. Everyone has their opinions why. I simply think it comes down to curiosity - the girls here are just as curious about the expats as the expats are about them. A French expat working in Finance once told me this: “It’s information asymmetry at its best. The girls think I’m rich. Even if I tell them I’m not, they refuse to believe me. I am a bourgeois capitalist, what else can I do with this arbitrage opportunity?”. And I assume that a statistician might just point to the numbers. The probability of getting laid on a given night out is statistically higher. If a girl seems difficult, you don’t waste your time - there are literally millions more fish in the…barrel.

-Pace
You’ve read the news. Everything here is fast and changing. Any place with so many people and such new institutions and policies is going to be home to all the contradictions that make life unpredictable and enjoyable. It is fun to be a part of, especially as a young person. But the strict corporate culture hasn’t reached here, so the working atmosphere is often less stressful than that in Japan, Europe or the States. Note: Actually, if you are a Manager this translates into more stress.

-Language
If you’ve only heard people in Chinatown, then you likely can’t have an appreciation for just how beautiful and downright fun speaking Chinese can be. Some people want to learn it for business or because of the sheer number of speakers, but I think even if the amount were only 1.3 million it’d still be worth the time it takes to learn it.

-Reassurance
That your country really is the best and your people are better. People believe what they want to, whether they come to another country has little bearing on their opinions. But coming gives them the right to weigh in. Hey, even Mao said it: “No investigation, No right to speak.” You’ve seen it, now you can be the expert. Nothing feels better than being right, right?

-Manner
Outside of criticizing the Chinese (which could be anything, really), you’ll be hard pressed to find a behavior here that is considered rude or offensive. For this reason, you can do almost anything without fear of the social, legal, or physical retribution that you’ll find in your own country. In fact, the small things that might be considered rude in western countries are common place here. Pushing, not holding the door for someone, talking loud in a restaurant or cafe, answering cell phones in the middle of a meeting, dirty looks, etc. are as unexceptional as a leaf falling from a tree in Autumn. Personally, it is interesting to take part in, just to know what it feels like to do something other than what I’ve have been taught is “proper”. You might not “find yourself”, but you will find a new tool useful for interacting with people. I was surprised to learn that an evil eye and raised voice can get me just as far here as a smile and ‘can you help me out, darling, I’ve had a terrible day’ can in the Midwest. On the contrary, if you bring all your “civilized, good manners” over here, you’d not only look like a real outsider, but worse, disingenuous.

-Instinct
The single biggest reason expats enjoy China is because it appeals to their instincts. On first look, the society will appear to be a mecca for free and open behavior. On my first night in Shanghai, I was in awe of the city where you could take off your shirt, stroll in the street, double deuce in hand, and not warrant a second look from those passing by. It was so….natural. The ability to abandon behavioral norms has lead more than a few expats to admit they feel freer here, in Communist China, than in their own, Democratic countries. This is especially true of the Japanese, who carry with them a constant thought of how to respond in any given situation, from what to do about that fart they got building up to whether they should order the same sized coffee as you at Starbuck’s. But these free feeling foreigners are always the first to complain about China’s human rights records, lack of manners, limits on freedom of speech, and authoritarian government. But what they fail to comprehend is that when they cross the borders into China they’re are passing from a Civil State to one of Nature. Consider what Rousseau said about the passage from a State of Nature to a Civil State and then consider what it would be like to be a foreigner and go in reverse:

“The passage from the State of Nature to the Civil State produces a very remarkable change in man, by substituting justice for instinct in his conduct, and giving his actions the morality they formerly lacked. Then only, when the voice of duty takes the place of physical impulses and right of appetite, does man, who so far had considered only himself, find that he is forced to act on different principles and to consult his reason before listening to his inclinations. Although, in this state, he deprives himself of some advantages which he got from nature, he gains in return others so great, his faculties are so stimulated and developed, his ideas so extended, his feelings so ennobled, and his whole soul so uplifted, that, did not the abuses of this new condition often degrade him below that which he left, he would be bound to bless continually the happy moment which took from him forever, and, instead of a stupid and unimaginative animal, made him an intelligent being and a man.”

No one does run on sentences like the French, but it brings a tear to my eye every time I read it, seriously.

Ultimately, foreigners in China are serving at the pleasure of themselves. They don’t need China like immigrants need their adopted homeland. Their passport is their most valuable asset. They can leave anytime and they need only trade cheap, instinctive living for the deliberate and principled living required of them in the advanced nations from which they came. China is not their country. They don’t have to live with the conditions, they only have to deal with them for a finite period of time. Adapt, don’t adopt. Despite the inconveniences, foreigners secretly love all the things they hate about life here. Let them complain all they want, they are secretly giving each other terrorist fist jabs about how they are roughing it by sleeping a whole summer lathered up with mosquito repellent (see recent blog post). And when it gets to be too much? They hop in a taxi and retreat to Starbuck’s (I’m retreating right now) to write in their MacBooks. No matter what, they’ll always have great stories to tell at cocktail parties after returning home. Being deported by the CCP is surely cool and will fulfill those revolutionary ambitions they got from reading that big Che Biography in Uni.

Conspicuously missing from the list above is anything related to an interest in Chinese history or culture, which are great sources of pride for the Chinese people. The Chinese always assume that’s why people are here….riiiight. Just like everyone in America is there for the freedom. Believe what you’d like, the truth is, most expats have little knowledge of, and even less interest in Chinese history. Foreigners simply don’t find it interesting, much like Chinese wouldn’t find those renaissance festivals and civil war reenactments my brother goes to interesting.

Which brings me to the oddest observation of all - given the harsh opinions expats here harbor toward the Chinese, the Chinese seem to not know or simply not to care how they are perceived by the guerrillas in their midst. With all the talk of “face”, one would think they’d be willing to ask, “how do I look?”. Since I’ve first visited China, nearly two years ago, I’ve only had one person ask me what Americans think about Chinese. On the contrary, I’m frequently on the receiving end of the Chinese saying what they think of us (i.e. every country outside of China) and, even more often, what they think of themselves. For this reason, I think the Olympics will be less a performance aimed at showing the world how great China is, than it will be one showing themselves what they already know. In that case, Aric, the Chinese can never fail.

You can watch Aric’s post here.

I wrote a rough draft of this entry months back but never posted it. I was reminded of it today and, after some polishing, present it to you. Enjoy.

One thing I really miss are acts of random kindness. Random and kindness just don’t go together here. There is always a pretense. Always.

After two consecutive weeknights of post 3am partying, I anticipated last night to be much calmer. After work, I grabbed a quick dinner by myself and returned home to wash my clothes. A friend sent me a message. She was in the neighborhood and asked if I  wanted to have a cup of coffee nearby. I obliged and by 8:30 I was into my first sips of a vanilla latte. We chatted for an hour before I received a call from an old friend who’d I sent a message to the night before. He’s a young, smart, and handsome American guy who I’d like to set up with a new friend who asked for an introduction to a “foreign boyfriend”.

This girl is a little old, 28, by Chinese standards. I know that it doesn’t sound old, but there seems to be an over 22 need not apply rule. I can try to rationalize this to you, but it would just make me sound like an idiot. You would never understand unless you’ve lived here. I’ll just say that’s the way it is. mei banfa. Anyway, my point is that despite the age, she is really beautiful. A lot of girls peak in their early 20s, but this girl is going to become finer and finer with age. And she’s not as petite as most Chengdu girls. She has a thickness to her that an American guy can accept and appreciate. I digress. My American friend said he was game. I told him I’d set something up. As I finished off the latte, I messaged the girl and asked if she was free tomorrow. She said, “I’m drinking at a bar. Is he free tonight?”. Classic. Only in China. I said, “probably not”. She said, “well, are you coming?”. Okay.

Of course it was at the Japanese hater bar. I arrived and she met me at the entrance and her first words after my name out of her mouth were, “I’m drunk”. She grabbed me by the hand and lead me into the bar. It was, not surprisingly, packed. She was accompanied by two other girls, probably in their early thirties. The “positions” in the club were so close together that it wouldn’t be hard to find yourselves mixed up with the group next to you. We started with a toast of Jack Daniel’s mixed with sweetened red tea. This type of place is called a “slow shake bar”. It’s not a bar. It’s not a club. The music is loud, sometimes slow, sometimes fast. There is no dance floor. People stand around their tables drinking and, well, shaking slowly.

We were dancing, drinking, drinking, dancing for 45 minutes or so when my friend suddenly grabbed her glass and left the table. My back is to the direction that she was headed so I didn’t know where she was going, but with cup in hand, it was clearly to drink with someone. She stayed gone for a while, maybe 20 minutes, before one of my new acqauintinces caught my attention and pointed to the table about 6 feet to the back and left of me. It was occupied by my missing friend and three guys. She gestured for me to come over. I grabbed my cup and she introduced me one by one. The first guy was a tall (about 6 feet), handsome guy with a strong jaw line and white button down shirt. The second was a short, stocky dude in a t-shirt and hoody. A Korean, I was soon to find out, and a good drinker. The third was my height, slim, and non-interested. After drinking with the first guy, I realized he was clearly her friend, but despite his good drinking manner, he seemed a bit uncomfortable, with his arms crossed at the his stomach. A minute or so after I drank a glass with each guy, she leaned to her right and shouted over the music, “He’s my ex-boyfriend. Handsome, right?”. Indeed, he was. Strapping, actually. Pulling him down by the shirt, she shouted in his ear, “he said you’re really handsome”. Classic Chinese move - ask you to affirm something they believe and then pass it off as a compliment. It’s an artificial lubricant of sorts, but one that’s nice. He smiled. Back to me, “he thought you were my boyfriend”. This is not surprising. This is what she wanted him to think, after all. Well, I didn’t want to be her tool, but I thought I could use it/her for what it’s worth. But out of some sense of respect for him, I decided that I would be only a passive accomplice to her scheme, which was clearly aimed at making him jealous.

We went back to our table for more slow shaking. She pulled me over to her side of the table, so that we were positioned facing her ex. She’d occasionally lean over, her arm around my shoulder and say something insignificant. I’d nod, smile, or laugh, whichever was appropriate, and she’d peak to see if he was looking. The innocent faux flirting went on for the next hour or so, with my friend taking brief interludes at his table and him sending a liasion to our table for a drink and games. Some weird sort of diplomacy the two had going on. At one point, when she wasn’t at either table, and I assumed making a visit to the ladies room, a new group of party goers occupied the table to the back and right of me, a mere 4 feet away. I heard one say something about “foreigner” and I prepared myself for what I knew was the inevitable, classic passive aggressive (read: aggressive) style of Chinese looking for a chance to “touch” one of the world’s greatest.

My two companions were thoroughly drunk, incapable of even dancing. Seated with their chins firmly planted in their hands, they were done. I had started later than them and was standing, shaking, slowly. One guy came around on my left, ignoring me but going straight for the ladies, who were in no mood for his “friendliness”. The other peered his head around my side to see my reaction. None. He said something incomprehensible and I made the next step toward engagement by lifting my glass and telling him to drink. I realized then that these guys were interested in more than drinking. There was a distinct possibility things could escalate to an unpleasant level. But that is the case with about half of the people that approach me to drink, so I wasn’t in unchartered territory. I was experienced, clear headed, but I was outnumbered 3 to 1. We drank and his friend turned his attention to me, glass filled, speech slurring, eyes blurring. And then the third. All way past the limit. No manner: pouring drinks from our bottle, spilling drinks everywhere, etc.

One toast is never enough to satisfy the ego. These guys weren’t just trying to “touch” a foreigner, they were trying to test one. Always willing (maybe too much so) to engage, I kept drinking. This went on for 5 minutes or so - each taking their turn trying to speak English, alternating praise with threatening stares, and generally making fools of themselves - when I looked up and saw the ex-boyfriend, glass and bottle in hand, stepping toward our table. He poured himself a glass, walked to my side of the table, pushing two of the guys aside and giving a “don’t fuck with me” stare, and positioned himself by my side. He raised his glass to drink with me and said, “you don’t have to drink with these guys.” He then turned and said to two of them. “Enough. This is my foreign friend. You guys can go back to your table.” And the way he did it, which I can’t capture appropriately in words, was nothing short of classic. He was stoic, full of confidence, like a Chinese George Clooney.

Maybe it’s no big deal to you, but examine the context and you’ll certainly appreciate the gravity of his actions. One, we’re in China. Two, we just met. Three, I might be boinking his ex. Despite all this, he had something in himself (maybe he thought there was no way I could land a girl as fine as his ex…haha) that compelled him to act on my behalf. I was genuinely moved. It was one of the single most kind things anyone has done for me since I’ve been here. When she returned from the ladies room, I told her all about it and what a great guy I thought he was.
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And then I took her to a hotel and slept with her.
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Joking. I’m joking

The worst road I ever traveled on was in Cambodia. It was from the Thailand border to Siem Reap, the city of Angkor Wat. Words can’t describe how bad the road was. Pot holes? No. Craters? Yes. When I arrived, the city was flush with tourists. Clearly there was enough money to build a new road, especially given it’s relatively short distance - about 150km. I asked around and soon got a reasonable explanation. The government run airline has a vested interest in keeping overland travel inconvenient and uncomfortable. So long as it is such, people will forgo that option and fly directly from Bangkok. To be sure no one paves that road, the airline employs some muscle. The guys who sell mosquito repellent in China must have the same strategy, for not a single window screen can be found in any of the three apartments I have lived. Just the smallest, almost financially insignificant addition could boost the standard of living considerably. Instead, you will be forced to soak yourself in oil, burn an atrocious smelling piece of incense, and seek refuge under a net.

The DJ and I went to eat at a nice restaurant tonight. At the end of the meal, the waitress asked us to fill out a survey about our experience. Tonight wasn’t the first time this has happened to us. Actually, it happens whenever we go to a nice place. For some reason, they seem to really value our opinion. The odd thing is not so much that they ask us to complete the survey and, seemingly, no one else. The odd thing is, precisely, that they (i.e. 2 or 3 people) stand over our shoulder while completing it and when finished, look immediately at what we wrote. Of course we all know, or I thought we all knew, that you can’t expect an honest answer without anonymity. Perhaps they think us being foreigners, we 1. have high dining standards and 2. are always direct with our opinions. Well, yes, this may be true, but our manner dictates that you never come to someone’s place and tell them to their face that the food or treatment is poor. Or, perhaps, and much more likely, they know this and the manager on duty that night is only looking to show the boss that two foreigners had a satisfying experience on his or her watch.

My friend once told me that back in the 90s, restaurants and KTVs would place covers over the plates of their customers’ cars. The reason being that most of their clientele were government officials who, on their modest salaries, shouldn’t be able to afford a dinner or night out at such an expensive place. It was a response to local citizens taking pictures of the plates and recording the times that cars were there (sometimes for 3 hour lunches), and then lodging complaints. Those days were past, my friend said, but since returning I’ve seen a couple of restaurants and KTV places that cover the plates with a sticker that bears their establishment’s name.

I know it seems lame for me to harp about the Chinese always calling myself and other visitors their version of “chink”, but I can’t help myself. Or should I say, they can’t help themselves. Today, for kicks, I wanted to see how many times I would be called “chink” in the span of 1 hour. My experiment was conducted on a Saturday morning, between 9 and 10am. I walked 15 minutes from my apartment to People’s Park, jogged for 30 minutes, and walked back home.

Before scrolling down, guess how many times I heard it roll of the tongue of people?
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36

And that doesn’t include the TWO year old kid who, when spotting me, shouted it, seriously, 10 times.

In the elevator.

“Up or down?”, I ask in Chinese.

“Up”, the middle aged man replies, also in Chinese. Unable to restrain himself: “Wow, you’re Chinese is amazing! You speak so well”.

I would have liked to reply with “disingenuous or ignorant?” because this guy, like the (literally) thousands of others who have offered me the same reply in similar situations can only be one of the two.

Disingenuous because of his over the top reaction to me saying three elementary words can only mean that he is making fun of me. Or…Ignorant because he cannot fathom that a non-Chinese could say, “up or down”.

Pay attention. Life here is about the details. It’s not how someone treats you when inviting you to their home. It’s how the stranger treats you in the elevator.

Ever. I went to get my haircut yesterday. Salons in China are like assembly lines, or maybe accounting departments - there are segregation of duties. Wash, cut, wash, blow dry. The washer was a young guy, 20, nicknamed “Wei Wei”. I’m used to people becoming excited at the opportunity to interact with a foreigner, but this kid was exceptional in his enthusiasm. He scrubbed my head raw for 45 minutes.

I’m in Shanghai airport right now. I met a woman who came here from Omaha, Nebraska to get her son stem cell treatment. And this guy was conspicuously, obsessively shooting, taking video of me while I looked for an outlet. btw, free wireless here. Can the airports in the US get with the program, please!

Update: I read an article that said CCTV covered the vigil for the first time, but billed it as one for the victims of the earthquake without mentioning the events from ‘89.

If he can’t remix?

Yesterday, a few people started popping up on MSN with {heart}China{heart} as their MSN name. Today, even more had. I was afraid to ask, but I didn’t have to. Out of no where, XW sent me this link.

Here is a translation:

-Please copy this section to your MSN name: (L)China (L)
-Please put your name to the left
-Please use this case combination: China
-We recommend you use # 2 heart
-We also hope that you can mark your website, blog, or personal home page
-Let’s see an ocean of red!

Did the Ambassador change his MSN name? Damn right I did. I’m officially:

(L)China’s girls(L)

“The greatest insult an outsider could pay to the Chinese people would be failing to understand what lies beneath.” You can start by reading Howard French’s latest piece, where he compares China to a prototype at a car show and urges you to kick the tires.

He even gives you some ammo to use against your friends with “Free Tibet” stickers plastered all over their trapper keeper: “The onrush of Western sympathy for the cause of Tibet is well-intentioned but often naïve… Tibetans have become lovable because of popular notions about Buddhism and because of the way Hollywood has romanticized Tibet and its saffron-robed monks and supported the Dalai Lama.”

I was in Shanghai last weekend. A few highlights.

Shanghai is an international city in the sense that there are lots of people from all over the world traveling, working, and studying there, but it still doesn’t meet the likes of NYC, San Francisco, etc., where the influence of foreigners is pervasive. This is probably do to the fact that most people are just passing through - on a project or rotation for their company, studying Chinese, etc. - so they don’t have the time to put down roots in way that immigrants do. I’m not considering, of course, the overall impact of foreign enterprises, which is significant. The results are local businesses, plenty of them, that cater to a revolving door of foreigners. The energy in these small “international” pockets is really exciting and much different from that in NYC. At moments it felt more intense, albeit temporary.

If you happen to visit, I highly recommend taking the Maglev train from Pudong Intl. Airport into the city. It costs 50RMB ($7) and gets you into the city in just 7 minutes. Top speed is 301km/h. An amazing journey. The alternative is a taxi, which takes, without traffic, 8 times longer and is 3 times more expensive.

Foreign girls. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t seen any in so long, but I was really surprised by the amount of beautiful foreigners I saw in just a couple of days. Even some models. Chengdu girls are pretty, but the legs are short. When I see those long legs, it’s game over.

After such a serious post, I gotta follow with a light chaser.

My favorite quote from Chairman Mao is “No investigation, no right to speak”. That’s why I came here. And one of the reasons I love living in China is the stories that come from “investigating”. Everyday a new story. Something crazy I couldn’t experience back home. Living here, one can easily accumulate 10 years of stories in a fraction of the time. When you relay to your friends, you might even break some stereotypes…or maybe just perpetuate them, but it’s good fun nonetheless.

I’m reminded of this because a friend told me that in his home country, there’s an urban legend, that the P of Chinese girls is horizontal. So, say what you will about Chairman Mao, but he was right about this one - no investigation, no right to speak.